In 1974, NBC presented a thoughtful TV science-fiction drama, “The Questor Tapes”. Conceived by Gene Roddenberry of later Star Trek fame, it was meant to be the pilot program for a 13-episode series; however, that did not happen.
The story was about the attempt to create an android, based on the instructions, records, and tapes left by the deceased brilliant scientist who conceived the idea. It was successful, but because of some damage to its necessary memory tapes, the android was left seeking to know its ultimate purpose.
It was a metaphor for the human condition, about, to use the title of a book by Viktor Franki, Man’s Search for Meaning.
During my high-school days, decades before “The Questor Tapes”, a great pressure for me was somewhat similar: What do you want to do when school is done? And, since everyone seemed to agree that, since I was a very smart kid, I should go to college, the more immediate question became: What college do you want to go to, and what do you want to study?
In college, the question gradually took on a more religious dimension. I knew from childhood that “God made me to know him, to love him, and to serve him in this world, and to be happy with him forever in heaven.”
But, what did he want me to do with my life? What was his will? What was my purpose? My college experience challenged the very asking of such questions and provoked me into digging deeper and deeper in my search for meaning.
It’s a long story, but it ultimately narrowed down to my finding an answer to one simple but complicated question: What was will of God for me?
Although it seemed improbable and not really attractive, I gradually began to feel that God wanted me to become a priest!
I did become a priest, a diocesan priest of the Archdiocese of New York, and served for 53 years before I was retired. But, the search for meaning, the quest for purpose, the seeking to know the will of God never abated.
Through my five years in the seminary, each day I felt confident that God wanted me to be there that day, but I was ready to leave immediately if the next day God wanted me to leave.
I felt like that always, all during my years of ministry, and actually still do. My only irreversible commitment is to seek and do the will of God. That is the only way for my journey through life, and wherever it takes me, I must go.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect in my life journey; from time to time I become inattentive to my direction and negligent in my discernment. But I always try to get back and stay on course.
I still feel and believe that wherever the search for meaning, purpose, and the will of God takes me, that is the way I must go—whether or not it is understood, encouraged, or supported by others.
Discerning the will of God isn’t mystical and mysterious. It’s something like mining history for the best sources of knowledge of God’s will, sifting through all our religious traditions and values, trying to get to the essence of the matter, and staying on course, the right course, of our lives.
Do we stumble? Do we make mistakes? Do we sometime turn into dead ends? Do we forget to be alert, aware and discerning? Do we get off course? Yes, yes, and yes!
God made us to know, love, and serve him—as best we can. No giving that up!
15 April 2021